Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

I turned 35 last month. It was not something I was particularly jazzed about or even really felt like celebrating. Not sure why it bothers me so much, because I am only in my mid 30's. 15 years ago, even 10 years ago, that seemed so old and over the hill to me. And now, well, I think I haven't matured much more than I was when I was 28. Sure I have since added the house, kid, dog and husband, but that is expected and the natural progression right?

I have noticed that so much as changed in my world in just the last year. I don't know if it has anything to do with my age or just the fact that it is all coming to a head and happening at the same time. I truly believe change is good and that everyone needs it and go through it constantly. Some are resistant (my husband) and some thrive on it. I think I fall a bit in the middle. I don't run from it but I don't constantly seek it either.

I think the changes that have been hardest are things that I thought were constant in my life. The things that you could always count on and really truly believed would never change. Funny thing about life, eventually everything changes. It really has to. For you to grow, for relationships to grow (or end), change is necessary.

Having a kid means that things are constantly changing because you spend 90% of your time adapting to the changes they go through. And they change often. Some things monthly, some weekly, some hourly. It is truly a roller coaster and you never know what the day will bring when you get out of bed each day. I find myself thinking how nice it is when things are steady with our child and we have a few peaceful days. I also know the minute I think this, it will change drastically and I am in for a new phase with her. Some are hard. Some are welcomed. Most are hard. But also rewarding.

We have changed the path of our life drastically in the last few years. We moved. We are adopting. That makes for a constant stream of change as bringing a new child into any family does. It will continue to change us day to day for the next few years and then again once we get our son home. This is probably one of the most stressful changes and most welcomes changes of all. Having Adriana was the most amazing thing that ever happened to me and truly was the biggest life change as it completely redirected the course of our every day life. As well as our "big picture" as it does when anyone brings in their first child to a family. It was amazing, scary and the best decision Rob and I ever made. Adoption is so different and though we have more choices, it also is a lot scarier, has a lot of unknowns and takes a lot longer. And while each day any one of those things can frustrate me (and daily bring me to tears in good and bad ways) it is one of the greatest journeys we will ever take and will lead to the most amazing little boy I am so proud to call my son.

So far, I am sure you are yawning. Really? This post? Nothing new nothing we haven't heard before. I guess this is my way of figuring out all that is going on. :) I think not only have the big things in my life have changed, I have changed. Sure, my fundamental core is the same. I think that is something that defines us and truly doesn't change much but it is something that we can grow and change a little through life experiences and the people that we meet along the way.

A lot of these changes that I am talking about have been painful. I have friendships that changed, relationships with family and even the relationship with my husband. These past 8 or 9 months have tested me in ways, as well as my relationships, that I never thought would happen. Being in the middle of it was so hard and I thought that I would never come out the other side being ok. But I have crawled out the other side of the tunnel and I can say, I am more than ok.

I think I came out with stronger relationships and some that are far less than they were before. My husband and I are in a place that is so much better. Through the stress can come something better and stronger. Some of my friendships didn't fare so well. I still love these people and they are still in my life, but my dependence on them has changed. I have also been fortunate to find some supportive people in the funniest of places that have been like rocks to me. It made me truly realize that friendships can grow out of the strangest of circumstances. For that I am grateful.

I also started a new volunteer position as a CASA for abused and neglected children. I just finished my 30 hours of training in the last 2 weeks. It was long. Tough. Hard. But I think that it opened my eyes to many things that I was so closed off and judgmental about in the world of social services as well as the world of others that live so differently from me. I listened to some of the best speakers that are advocates for children and met some of the most amazing people that deal with the toughest situations for these kids. And they help them. Every day. And it was inspiring. And I hope I can make even a sliver of the impact for someone that these people do.

It truly made me realize how judgmental I can be towards a lot of things. I like to think I am open. I like to think I don't judge. Truth is we all do. But I need to be better at not doing it. Not judging people when I truly have no idea how their lives truly are. Not judging when they just need a friend. Not judging when they life differently than I do.

I truly think everyone should find something to volunteer for, help out with that takes them out of their every day comforts. It is such an eye opener and even the littlest of things can help and leave an impact on others.

So maybe 35 year old Val is the new and improved Val. Maybe I am a little better. A little stronger. Maybe a little more rigid in some respects but a little more open in others. We shall see. I am a work in progress...

I think I have a song for that....

I love music. Every kind of music. I love that my iPod can switch from Tool to Josh Groban to Britney Spears at any one moment. I love and appreciate all aspects of the music world, from amazing voices to musicians to enterainers that may not always be able to sing well but can entertain us in different ways or make us dance.

I am lucky to have married someone who loves music as much, actually more, than I do. He may not branch out to the likes of Britney and Justin much, but he can still appreciate it and is a good sport about it.

Not only am I a huge music fan, but I am one of those insane people that seems to have a running soundtrack for my life. Maybe that is incorporating my love for music, TV and movies into one. Or maybe because I am a product of the Dawson's Creek, Felicity generation where music was added into most of the show defining each moment. I am not sure. But I can seriously list a song or multiple songs to remind me of most major moments in my life. And not just defining the years, the actual day to day events.

There is the song that reminded me of my ex, the bad ex, that we all have but are thankful for. Because without his constant humiliation, cheating, making me believe (being so naive) that he was the one, and the heartbreak when that realization ended, I would have never learned some really important things about myself and my inner strength. Yea, there is a song for that.

Or the song that reminds me of a night out where a friend told my husband she was ruining her life just for playing it. A song by a rock band that doesn't even make sense, yet it ruined the hopes and dreams of one drunk girl riding in the back seat. That was a defining moment. (and well that was an easy one, it really defined itself. ha ha) Yea, there is a song for that.

Or the song that reminds me of when our great friend used to live with us and when Rob was traveling, we would sit around, listen to music and drink diet vanilla cokes and vodka. Or for each trip to Vegas/Mexico or just a fun night out. Yea, there is a song for all that.

Or the song that makes me think of my husband and all the struggles we went through with ourselves and the naysayers to get back together after 7 years apart. Yea, there is a song for that.

Or the song that I sing to my daughter that is her song. Or the song I will sing to my son that will be his song. The song they hopefully will remember and find comfort in long after I am done singing it to help them sleep, comfort them or just make them remember they are so fiercely loved that their tone deaf momma would sing that song 20 times in a row as long as they felt safe. Yea, there are songs for that. :)

So this is my latest and greatest defining song. I heard it at the end of one of my favorite shows and it brought me to tears. It is beautiful. It makes me think of my kids and I love it. It has become my adoption song. For my boy. Enjoy!

Welcome back!

So I feel like I have not been among the land of the living for the past month and a half. We haven't necessarily been holed up in the house, but I have made little to no effort to get out of the house as much as I normally do. I have just been going through the motions and doing the bare minimum. Not to mention we have been sick for the past few weeks which makes life and seeing daylight that much more difficult.

I woke up today and just felt....better. Like maybe I can function to my fullest abilities again. I don't exactly know what happened. I don't know why it was today, but it happened. I have felt better today than I have since 2011 started.

You have seen from my previous posts that I have been hoping for better since the beginning of the year and seriously I am not sure why I couldn't pull myself out of my funk or why today was the day. Maybe it is the weather. Maybe I just got tired of myself. Maybe it was just time.

Whatever it is, I feel back and thank god because I think Rob was about to institutionalize me.

So in the infamous words of Eminem, "Guess who's back, back again? I am back! Tell a friend."

2 a.m. Party Time

So nothing good happens at 2 a.m. I should have learned that in high school. I used to laugh when people said it and at the time, I thought great things were things that happened at 2 a.m. Not sure if it is age or wisdom that has made me see the light, but I now know, nothing good happens at 2 a.m.

As the mother of a daughter that thinks sleeping through the night is merely a suggestion, 2 a.m. has become a time of the night I often find myself awake and not because I am having fun. I spend this time of night getting in and out of bed, walking a 3 year old back to her bed. Often in silence. But after the 5th time, it is usually accompanied with a mommy growl threatening that she better not get out of bed again. I have not perfected this growl or it just isn't scary enough, because we usually have 1 more trip after such threat has been made.

How in the heck do you get a child to sleep through the night? I mean, we are taught that they will learn to sleep through the night during their first year of life. Unfortunately, like most things, my daughter overachieved in this area at an early age, tricking me into thinking she had this skill down. Really it was just a starting point for most things Ade, meaning she excels in the beginning (show off) then decides these skills are not worth her time or energy. The result: leaving me a shell of my former self that doesn't remember what it is like to get a full nights sleep with no interruption. There are nights that she will sleep all night, but they are few and far between and since I am now trained to get up in the middle of the night, my body wakes up numerous times, waiting for the 2 a.m. 3 year old party wake up call. Or the other creatures of the night, aka Rob and Clyde, find ways to disrupt these nights of sleeping bliss.

I often think I should bring my computer to bed. At this time of night, the thoughts that go through my head are often witty and funny, and I wish I could put them down because surely they are the words of comic blog gold! (I think this is also known as delirium)

I have also learned, that like high school, nothing good can come from my husband and I interacting at 2 a.m. It is often bitter, involves lots of kicking, door slams and angry words.

I am so tired, I have forgotten my main point of this blog post. Maybe just to complain. Maybe to hope someone will feel my pain. Maybe just to get out my annoyance with my husband. But I am fairly certain if I had written this at 2 a.m. this morning, my point and moral of the story would have been fully realized.

A Long, Hard Month

So January this year, to me, as been a really long and difficult month. It has been full of a lot of hard decisions, a lot of sadness and a lot of tough grown up stuff that I usually try to avoid.

I think January is initially so hard because it is a new year. There are new expectations, resolutions, people think of it as the month that things change. It is a lot of pressure for the month to live up to. And most certainly, for most, it fails every time.

And for us, December means Christmas and Adriana's birthday. It is a big month. A busy month, but a very happy month. January is for sure a let down after all that.

This year I decided to do no resolutions. No expectations to fail. Sure, I did decide to stop yo yo dieting and finally get this weight off healthily instead of fad dieting, but I made that resolution in November so I guess it doesn't really count. And because of that I am actually doing ok at it. I have worked out every day this month but 2, and I have lost 8 lbs but eating normally. Not bad. Going slower than I want, but well, I think that is the best way to do it.

But for me, it has still been a challenging month. I have spent a good portion fighting some inner demons (and some outside ones too) and just at this point, am glad I made it through the month. Thanks to my amazing brother and sister in law, Rob and I get to leave town this weekend alone, no child, and spend the weekend relaxing in my sister's town home in Breckenridge. I literally cannot wait and am so ready. I just want to sleep, watch movies and maybe sleep some more.

And thankfully for some serious conversations and what I like to call "cleansing blog posts" I had last weekend, I think things are looking up.

I get by with a little help from my friends

Friendships has always been something sort of tricky for me. I love my friends. Would do absolutely anything for them. I have done a lot of things that I think may go beyond the call of friendship but I also think many people have done the same for me. I have had a lot of friends drift in and out of my life. Something that I am ok with. I think different people are better at being friends to you in different times of your life. Whether it be something you have in common or just that you make each other laugh when no one else can or just that they are a good for you, different people fill different needs. But I believe a good friend, a true friend will be there when it is time to come back together. They won't judge you for being busy or for going through something or taking time for yourself. I truly believe the best friends are those that you can pick up where you left off and have a great time no matter how much time has gone by since you have seen or talked to them.

I used to agrue with a friend about what a good friend is. Our opinons were very different. Here is what it means to me.------Friendship should be something positive. Someone that lifts your spirits, someone that takes you out for a drink when you are on the edge, someone you can call or text with your most irritational thoughts and they will cry with you or make you laugh to take away the sting of your day. I think we live in a world where so much many things are complicated, hard and stressful, we all need someone that eases that burden, makes us feel better and doesn't complicate things. I think that is where friends come in. They help. They heal. They cry. They laugh. They make you feel like you are not alone and that for a few minutes, everything is okay. They also help you work through your feelings or situations. They have opinions and aren't afraid to give them to you. And you aren't afraid to listen. And sometimes those opinions differ from yours, but that is OK! It is the give and take of friendship.

I also think friendship should be easy. But I find that tricky. Easy is not always easy. People go through things and they need their friends and sometimes it is inconvenient and hard. But because you know that person would do the exact same thing for you, you are there. It is also reciprocal. One sided friendships don't work.

I have cycled through many different friendships in my life. Some people will read that and think, wow, what is wrong with you that you cannot hang onto a friend? Well I will tell you. I have had friendships that have gone from easy to hard, good to bad, nice to awful. As life changes and takes it course, sometimes friendships just don't work out. Some have pushed and pushed and pushed and expectations have been too high. And some people just aren't good friends. I am no angel. I have also not been a good friend to few that have chose to walk away. I have had friends stop being my friend because I don't belong to the right group or click, or because I wouldn't do something that they thought was cool. Those were more childhood friendships. I have lost adult friendships over expectations. Over life changes. Over reasons that I actually don't know and most likely don't want to know.

But through all of it I have hung onto some great friends. Some friends I have had since childhood, some that I have created since becoming a mom. I cherish these friendships so much. I have a variety of different friends and I love it. I have great mom friends, great single friends, great girl friends and a group of the best guy friends I could ever ask for. So many different facets to these friendships makes my life good, happy and complete. These friends have lifted me up, kept me sane, given me lots of drinks and cried with me. They have been a lifeline throughout all the crap that I have been dealt with in this life.

I have had some friendships I hold dear change a lot over the past year or so. Because of life situations, judgment and life changes. It is hard. It is very hard. Some are friendships I never thought could be changed or altered. I have been saddened by these changes and mourned them. I have not quite fully accepted the changes that have come to these friendships, but I am trying. I have learned that no friendship, or relationship for that matter, is untouchable.

But after all this, friendship is so important. And I am so thankful for all the wonderful friends I have out there. Those I talk to on a daily or hourly basis. Those that I talk to every couple days or via email. Those that I go weeks without talking to but still are a big part of my life. Over the years I have made and KEPT a great amount of friends that I hold dear. And that makes going through the bad or lesson teaching friendships bearable.

I'm in love with a.....

Frigidaire!

So Christmas night our fridge decided that staying cold was out of its job description. For most people this would be stressful and awful. But I have to say, I was silently happy. I hate our fridge. It came with the house and has been a piece of crap every since we moved in. I spent $400 on the ice maker when we first moved in because it didn't work and it still wasn't fixed after that. I hated that thing. So while Rob was contemplating the money side of it, I was silently screaming in excitement to be able to get a new one.

I happily made a pile of what was food that we had to save and Rob took it to the beer fridge. It wasn't all that bad. He had to drink a few extra beers just to make room but it was a sacrifice he was very willing to make. I also had to take one for the team and finish off the wine that was in the fridge. It was rough. But we did it.

We had already researched them when we first moved in because we were so annoyed with it, but couldn't really justify spending the money when it still worked. So when it quit, we both knew exactly what we wanted.

Well.....mostly. We found an applicance factory that had the LG we wanted. When we went, as we walked in, we fell in love with a Frigidaire 28 cubic foot, bottom freezer, french door, ice maker and water on the outside beauty. It was $1000 cheaper than what we wanted to spend. It was like it was there waiting for us to bring it home. I may have had tears.

We got it 2 days later and my love for it has only grown. It feels weird to be in love with an appliance, but I am. I am sure the honeymoon period will wear off but I hope it isn't soon. Rob even asked me last week if I loved it more than him.....that was hard to answer. But I was honest and said I was 95% sure that I did. :)

I often wonder if this is a product of me being a housewife or if I had a 40 hour a week out of the house job, would I feel the same? I am not sure. But if this is what my life has come to, I am totally ok with it.

The Post that is sure to Jinx me....

So my Princess turned 3 last week. I am not going to lie, if you look back at my previous posts, it is an age I am dreading. The lead up with her, the stories from others, have given me nightmares. Sure she is 3 and looks like a little kid and can potty on her own and brush her teeth and that is great, but the attitude, oh the attitude, is a killer.

So as I brace for 2011, which is sure to be the year of misery for me.

But the funny thing is, it is starting off great! (well great with her, grandparent troubles, well that is another post for another day) For some reason, right after Christmas, it is like something clicked between her and I. I don't know what. But I stayed patient (which is no small feat for me and yes I am patting myself on the back) and tried reasoning. And it actually is working. Maybe not 100% of the time but I would say 85% and that is much better than my 20% average from before.

So today I wake up a new mom, excited for the year and excited that things might actually go better than I thought. I realize I am compromising this entire process by actually speaking about it. That is usually the kiss of death for a good behavior to stay around. But I am going for it. Maybe optimism will help me out now. ha ha

So foolish us moms. Eternal optimists. :)

The Best Part of my Day

So there is a time in the morning, usually about 7:30 a.m. that is the best time of my day. We have usually been up for at least a half hour and as I lay on the couch under a blanket, Adriana will come up and ask if she can lay with me. She snuggles in and we watch a show. Clyde, the dog, joins us by laying on my legs. We all lay still and silently.

This is my very favorite part of the day. It may only last 15 to 30 minutes, but in that short amount of time, everything is calm and peaceful. The only thing that matters are my babies and all I feel is love. And it is a moment that is all mine.

It is often this time of the day that sometimes carries me through the rest of our crazy days. :)

End of my parental rope

So my last post sounded like sunshine and roses around here. What a difference a few days make.

My daughter is 2 going on 3 at the end of the year and I never imagined that the personality change that has taken place over the last few weeks was possible. Wow. People should really warn you about this. :) She has always beens strong willed and determined. She has her moments and they aren't always pretty. But over the past couple weeks she has turned into a crabby, ticked off, everything mommy asks or says is stupid, screaming, tantrum machine.

I am not sure the exact cause or if I am just lucky and going to have one of those 3 year olds. She has decided to quit napping; which started the constant battles here. So I have given up even trying. If I could get her to lay down she would just sit and sing about how she was not going to sleep. I will give her credit that she didn't try to leave her room. But this weekend I decided the battle to get here there is not worth it for me. So we now have quiet time where she lays on the couch and watches a movie. It is somewhat rest, she is quiet and I have a few moments to myself. Good enough!

So next we have the fact that I have been fighting a cold for going on 2 weeks now. And I think she is fighting it too. That can't help, right?

But I think despite both these things, she is just growing up. Figuring things out. And I guess one thing she already figured out is that mommy is full of crap. She literally battles me on everything. Going to bed. Going potty. Getting dressed. Leaving the house. Going to school. Today it is going to gymnastics, which is her favorite thing to do all week, so I know that it is just defiance.

But that defiance is slowly wearing me down. The past 3 weeks have literally been some of the most exhausting weeks of my life. I have not had one second of happy downtime. It all came to a head with a 30 minute tantrum outside the mall the other day. I almost had to have my husband come get her. People were gathering, as I think some were worried I might smack her. And some probably wondering why I hadn't already. :) I took the high road. No hitting. Just was the mom that decided to just sit and make sure she didn't run into the street. I just let her go. And I think about 25 minutes into it I started crying. Must have been a site. Hopefully no one we know was there but I think they would have ran away. Who wants to know the crazy lady with the kid they cannot control crying in front of Dillards?

So that being said, I am a shell of the parent I was 3 weeks ago. If this is 3, I hope we survive. I guess they say that they never give you more than you can handle, well, guess what? I am about at capacity. A little relief would be nice.

Been a while

Well it has been a while since I posted on this site. Partly because my child and the adoption of my new child have become most important to me. Check out their blogs for details.

And partly because things have been good. I can complain about life, still do, still will, but overall have such a great one. I am so lucky to have the husband that I do. He is such a great dad and husband. Sure we have some communication issues at times, but he is so supportive of me and our daughter. I could not ask for more.

We have embarked on the adventure of adopting a baby from Haiti. It is going to be a long, hard, difficult process but it is a process that made both Rob and I take a look at our life and realize we are exactly where we need to be and with the people we need to be doing it with. We are on the same page about everything.

It is nice. I have had a lot of stress on me as of late and a lot of things have not gone the way I want, but I have to remember that the core of my world is in tact. That is all that matters. I feel so safe and so secure in that. I am so thankful for that. Because if it wasn't, I am not sure I would have the strength to deal with the rest.

Life is good. :)

Sanity vs Sleep

Every since I had a child, and more so in the last year, this has been a battle waging in me. What is more important to me? My sanity or getting sleep?

Let me start by saying sleep has always been a big challenge for me and A. I love sleep. I love to sleep in. I am a much better person with sleep. She doesn't really seem to care.

Her first year she slept great through the night but was a bad napper. I spent that entire year hoping for her to learn the art of napping so I could have some "me" time. My husband traveled every week for work and I was home by myself with her a majority of time. This resulted in her being very mommy attached and me getting no time for myself. (Did I mention she didn't take long naps?) So I got sleep at night and was rested, but had NO sanity.

After her first birthday she started taking 2 1 hour long naps a day and slept all night. Little did I know that these months would become my nirvana. These were the best days and I had yet to realize it. It was at about 16 months that I thought, this kid thing is a breeze. She was happy, I was happy. She spent a lot of time with daddy so the "me" time just poured in. Pure perfection.

When she was about 18 months, we moved into our current house. I was nervous of this for many reasons. Would she be ok with the new house and how would she adjust? I assumed a week of not wanting to go to sleep on her own and life would be that perfection I described above again. Well you not what they say about assuming? It sure made an ass out of me. After a week she did great going to sleep on her own but the night wakings began. First she woke up a few times a night. That turned into nights where sometimes it was almost every hour. She was napping during the day, but night, apparently was party time. We tried every trick in the book from coddling to crying it out. She cried. I cried. Rob may even have cried. It was rough.

After a few months I hit a wall. I wasn't quite sure what to do. When I thought I could figure out what was keeping her up, it would start all over again. I had worked up every theory from her being too cold to the irrational "there must be a ghost in our new house" to explain why she wouldn't sleep. We finally decided, since we weren't sleeping anyway, that it was time to take away the paci. That pretty much made it worse for about a week, then she got over it. After that, she started sleeping again. Hooray! It must mean the paci is as evil as they say....

We returned to sleep for a month. All night. Every night. Naps during the day. My perfect world had returned.

Now I have a little of both worlds. Some nights she sleeps great but wakes up really early (did I forget to mention the 5 am wake up phase that happened in the middle of all of this) and then naps are short. But if she takes a good nap, the next night results in a lot of wakes up. On days she takes shorter naps, she then sleeps great at night. Confused? Yea, me too. Thus leading to my dilemma, Sanity or Sleep?

The best answer would be to get her on a schedule that is consistent. Anyone who says this to me might get whacked. I have tried and continue to try to put her down at the same time, same bedtime routines, anything really to produce the same results day in and day out. I tried cutting out nap which lead to a full nights sleep but to a crazy, mad toddler the next day. She isn't quite ready for that...

So maybe a few times a week, I get a full nights sleep. Always waking early, but I am getting used to that as I would rather sleep through the night then sleep in these days. (She is training me well right?) So I pick sleep. But then there are those days that she naps great and I get 2 hours of time to myself which I can watch tv, clean, work out, do whatever and that is great as well. Ok, I pick sanity.

Both have huge advantages for me and I can't decide which is better for me. Both are truly needed to be a balanced, happy person. But another thing I have learned as a parent is that balance isn't always that easy to achieve. So for now, I will relish my few days of sanity and a few days of sleep. Nothing lasts forever right? :)

So after all that, I still haven't solved anything. And even if I did, it would change tomorrow. It is the beauty of parenting. Because at the end of the day, it is all about her. And what she needs. And I am perfectly happy with that.

Words to live by

My new favorite

That is right. A drink. I don't know why but I am obsessed with it. So good and refreshing. It has ALMOST replaced my Diet Dr Pepper obsession....almost.

This is the End, My Friend...The End

So I stayed up until midnight watching the 2 1/2 hour finale of Lost and while I have so many thoughts, feeling and emotions about it, all I really want to say is what an amazing end to an amazing show. And bravo to the writers, actors, etc for making a series finale that was one of the best I have ever seen.

I am not sure it was what everyone expected. It didn't explain each and every mystery that has unfolded over the past 6 years and I never thought it would be so happy about that. What it did was wrap up the island story, bring the amazing characters together in a way that was so beautifully done and remind us this was a story about redemption and love. It made the characters, their relationships, their strengths and their growth the center point. Sure it was a show about an island and its powers, but it was the characters that kept me watching.

I woke up Monday morning with puffy eyes and haven't stopped thinking about it since. I have read many writings and posts about it. I wish I had the ability to write about it but I am positive I could not have done it as eloquently as those that have already have. So I will conclude by saying thank you. Thank you for creating a show that kept us interested and talking. Thinking, laughing, crying, frustrated and mad. And thank you for ending it so...beautifully.

RIP Lost.

The End of Lost

Something that has been a part of my life for the last 6 years is ending tonight. I find myself excited and also a little sad about it. And yes. It is a TV show. And yes, I need to get an actual life.

Talking about Lost. A show that is watched by millions and one I refused to watch at first. Not sure why or what my stance on it was. But after the first year was over, Rob and I had to see what all the fuss was about. So we bought it on DVD and watched the entire 25 show season in like 3 nights and a weekend. We stayed up til 2 in the morning every night just watching "1" more episode. We were hooked. Started season 2 and it has been running our lives ever since.

So here we are. Tonight is the last show ever. I knew this day would come and really wanted it to so I would know what is going on. Each week I watch and I love every minute of it but find myself more ticked off than the week before and more confused. Each week I tell Rob I am done watching the show because it is so frustrating, yet each week I can't wait for it to come again. But now that the end is near, I find it bittersweet. Will they wrap up the story so all our questions will be answered? And if so, really, do I want to know? Last week after they answered some questions I turned to Rob and told him I am not sure I want to know what is really going on. To that he replied "you are exhausting....and a little crazy" Yes, I know. I hear that from him so much, I figure it is in the running for my tombstone. "Here lies Val. Mother, wife, sister, daughter. Was exhausting and a little crazy. RIP"

Blog Therapy

So....instead of using my husband to listen to me (which never happens) or facebook, I think I will start posting again.

A little blog therapy. Never hurts to get it out right? ;)

Today I am feeling...

like the hired help.

Just a mom

So I decided to change the name of this blog to Just a Mom. Because that is what I am. Just a mom. I am sure some people will take offense to that but I don't.

I have spent most of my daughter's life trying to figure out what my "purpose" should be while I stay home with my child. I knew I wanted to be home with her and there is no place I would rather be, but I felt pressure to be more. Do more. That being a stay at home mom is lazy in some way.

Well that is crap. Being just a mom, it is hard. It is a lot of work but being with her fulfills me. It is harder than anything I have ever done and love it more than anything I have ever done. I have my days....oh are there days. But the awesome days....the happy days.....the fun days.....happen far more often than not and I am so proud to be Just Adriana's mom. And there is nothing I would rather be.

Addiction

These are my new addiction...I innocently bought them for my child as a nice treat....well she fell in love with them and so did I.   I dream about them....ridiculous!  Who dreams about snack foods.   ME!

There is something about them.  I read that they were comparable to the Drake Cakes that were made famous by a Seinfeld episode a few years back.  I haven't had one to compare but if they are the same, well, it is a good thing I haven't had one.