A Long, Hard Month

So January this year, to me, as been a really long and difficult month. It has been full of a lot of hard decisions, a lot of sadness and a lot of tough grown up stuff that I usually try to avoid.

I think January is initially so hard because it is a new year. There are new expectations, resolutions, people think of it as the month that things change. It is a lot of pressure for the month to live up to. And most certainly, for most, it fails every time.

And for us, December means Christmas and Adriana's birthday. It is a big month. A busy month, but a very happy month. January is for sure a let down after all that.

This year I decided to do no resolutions. No expectations to fail. Sure, I did decide to stop yo yo dieting and finally get this weight off healthily instead of fad dieting, but I made that resolution in November so I guess it doesn't really count. And because of that I am actually doing ok at it. I have worked out every day this month but 2, and I have lost 8 lbs but eating normally. Not bad. Going slower than I want, but well, I think that is the best way to do it.

But for me, it has still been a challenging month. I have spent a good portion fighting some inner demons (and some outside ones too) and just at this point, am glad I made it through the month. Thanks to my amazing brother and sister in law, Rob and I get to leave town this weekend alone, no child, and spend the weekend relaxing in my sister's town home in Breckenridge. I literally cannot wait and am so ready. I just want to sleep, watch movies and maybe sleep some more.

And thankfully for some serious conversations and what I like to call "cleansing blog posts" I had last weekend, I think things are looking up.

I get by with a little help from my friends

Friendships has always been something sort of tricky for me. I love my friends. Would do absolutely anything for them. I have done a lot of things that I think may go beyond the call of friendship but I also think many people have done the same for me. I have had a lot of friends drift in and out of my life. Something that I am ok with. I think different people are better at being friends to you in different times of your life. Whether it be something you have in common or just that you make each other laugh when no one else can or just that they are a good for you, different people fill different needs. But I believe a good friend, a true friend will be there when it is time to come back together. They won't judge you for being busy or for going through something or taking time for yourself. I truly believe the best friends are those that you can pick up where you left off and have a great time no matter how much time has gone by since you have seen or talked to them.

I used to agrue with a friend about what a good friend is. Our opinons were very different. Here is what it means to me.------Friendship should be something positive. Someone that lifts your spirits, someone that takes you out for a drink when you are on the edge, someone you can call or text with your most irritational thoughts and they will cry with you or make you laugh to take away the sting of your day. I think we live in a world where so much many things are complicated, hard and stressful, we all need someone that eases that burden, makes us feel better and doesn't complicate things. I think that is where friends come in. They help. They heal. They cry. They laugh. They make you feel like you are not alone and that for a few minutes, everything is okay. They also help you work through your feelings or situations. They have opinions and aren't afraid to give them to you. And you aren't afraid to listen. And sometimes those opinions differ from yours, but that is OK! It is the give and take of friendship.

I also think friendship should be easy. But I find that tricky. Easy is not always easy. People go through things and they need their friends and sometimes it is inconvenient and hard. But because you know that person would do the exact same thing for you, you are there. It is also reciprocal. One sided friendships don't work.

I have cycled through many different friendships in my life. Some people will read that and think, wow, what is wrong with you that you cannot hang onto a friend? Well I will tell you. I have had friendships that have gone from easy to hard, good to bad, nice to awful. As life changes and takes it course, sometimes friendships just don't work out. Some have pushed and pushed and pushed and expectations have been too high. And some people just aren't good friends. I am no angel. I have also not been a good friend to few that have chose to walk away. I have had friends stop being my friend because I don't belong to the right group or click, or because I wouldn't do something that they thought was cool. Those were more childhood friendships. I have lost adult friendships over expectations. Over life changes. Over reasons that I actually don't know and most likely don't want to know.

But through all of it I have hung onto some great friends. Some friends I have had since childhood, some that I have created since becoming a mom. I cherish these friendships so much. I have a variety of different friends and I love it. I have great mom friends, great single friends, great girl friends and a group of the best guy friends I could ever ask for. So many different facets to these friendships makes my life good, happy and complete. These friends have lifted me up, kept me sane, given me lots of drinks and cried with me. They have been a lifeline throughout all the crap that I have been dealt with in this life.

I have had some friendships I hold dear change a lot over the past year or so. Because of life situations, judgment and life changes. It is hard. It is very hard. Some are friendships I never thought could be changed or altered. I have been saddened by these changes and mourned them. I have not quite fully accepted the changes that have come to these friendships, but I am trying. I have learned that no friendship, or relationship for that matter, is untouchable.

But after all this, friendship is so important. And I am so thankful for all the wonderful friends I have out there. Those I talk to on a daily or hourly basis. Those that I talk to every couple days or via email. Those that I go weeks without talking to but still are a big part of my life. Over the years I have made and KEPT a great amount of friends that I hold dear. And that makes going through the bad or lesson teaching friendships bearable.

I'm in love with a.....

Frigidaire!

So Christmas night our fridge decided that staying cold was out of its job description. For most people this would be stressful and awful. But I have to say, I was silently happy. I hate our fridge. It came with the house and has been a piece of crap every since we moved in. I spent $400 on the ice maker when we first moved in because it didn't work and it still wasn't fixed after that. I hated that thing. So while Rob was contemplating the money side of it, I was silently screaming in excitement to be able to get a new one.

I happily made a pile of what was food that we had to save and Rob took it to the beer fridge. It wasn't all that bad. He had to drink a few extra beers just to make room but it was a sacrifice he was very willing to make. I also had to take one for the team and finish off the wine that was in the fridge. It was rough. But we did it.

We had already researched them when we first moved in because we were so annoyed with it, but couldn't really justify spending the money when it still worked. So when it quit, we both knew exactly what we wanted.

Well.....mostly. We found an applicance factory that had the LG we wanted. When we went, as we walked in, we fell in love with a Frigidaire 28 cubic foot, bottom freezer, french door, ice maker and water on the outside beauty. It was $1000 cheaper than what we wanted to spend. It was like it was there waiting for us to bring it home. I may have had tears.

We got it 2 days later and my love for it has only grown. It feels weird to be in love with an appliance, but I am. I am sure the honeymoon period will wear off but I hope it isn't soon. Rob even asked me last week if I loved it more than him.....that was hard to answer. But I was honest and said I was 95% sure that I did. :)

I often wonder if this is a product of me being a housewife or if I had a 40 hour a week out of the house job, would I feel the same? I am not sure. But if this is what my life has come to, I am totally ok with it.

The Post that is sure to Jinx me....

So my Princess turned 3 last week. I am not going to lie, if you look back at my previous posts, it is an age I am dreading. The lead up with her, the stories from others, have given me nightmares. Sure she is 3 and looks like a little kid and can potty on her own and brush her teeth and that is great, but the attitude, oh the attitude, is a killer.

So as I brace for 2011, which is sure to be the year of misery for me.

But the funny thing is, it is starting off great! (well great with her, grandparent troubles, well that is another post for another day) For some reason, right after Christmas, it is like something clicked between her and I. I don't know what. But I stayed patient (which is no small feat for me and yes I am patting myself on the back) and tried reasoning. And it actually is working. Maybe not 100% of the time but I would say 85% and that is much better than my 20% average from before.

So today I wake up a new mom, excited for the year and excited that things might actually go better than I thought. I realize I am compromising this entire process by actually speaking about it. That is usually the kiss of death for a good behavior to stay around. But I am going for it. Maybe optimism will help me out now. ha ha

So foolish us moms. Eternal optimists. :)